sugar coated rants

The clock says it's 2:44 am. I shut down my laptop 15 minutes ago after finishing a few episodes of Life Unexpected. Tired and sleepy, I lie down and close my eyes preparing myself for a journey to dreamland. Unsaid by Lala feat. Christian Bautista is playing on the background and suddenly I find myself crying.. in silence. Tears started flowing and it just won't stop. Some thoughts just popped up. I turn on the laptop and here I am.. As much as i wanted to ignore the feeling, I can't. I felt rejected and taken for granted by some people so close to my heart right before I decided to call it a night. Unusual. All of a sudden, it's like that? Or maybe it's just me? It's me who gotten used to the feeling of being important. And now, I suddenly felt I was "ignored". For real, I mean..it happened before but it didn't felt like this.Or again, maybe it's just me. It's been a while since I stayed up late like this..and for nothing for that mat...

What if this is not for me? What if I'm just deluding myself that this is what I want? What if I don't belong anymore? I was asked, " Is the fire still burning?" And I said, "Yes. " Now, I'm having second thoughts.

...or so.

Yesterday could've been perfect if not for the bad news I received last night. And today, doesn't make any difference.Bad news,it's all over the place. I can almost hear GG on the background saying.... " because in the Upper East Side, the good times never last forever.XOXO" Then i remember, i'm not in the Upper East Side.So maybe then, good times could last forever? You wish, Sugar. I hate it when everything happens all at the same time. I'm not a superwoman and i can only do so much. Dealing with frustration and desperation is not my cup of tea . And never will it be.Its hard to lift my spirit up when everytime i try, something is happening that pulls me down. I'm not losing hope... just getting tired each day.

I woke up today with a smile on my face as i uttered my morning prayer and thanked God for a new day. First day of March. My favorite month of the year. Not just because it's my birth month, but because there are so much memories associated with it. And of course, my closest friends' birthday falls on March, too. February ended in a not so pleasant way yesterday, unfortunately. As much as i wanted not to get affected..i am. But today is the first day of March. I'm supposed to be happy and excited. So it's MINDSET: ON.

It's every parents dream to give their children the best things in life they could offer. Being a parent myself, I'm no exception. Right now, my goal is to provide my daughter her basic needs and save for her future. Having said that, it breaks my heart to say NO to my daughter's whims. I have to tell her that some things are far more important than a barbie doll, a trip to here and there, a cotton ball that she once saw outside the church. If there's any consolation, God didn't gave me a brat for a daughter. She's very understanding, so much..that it oftentimes make me feel guilty. Whenever we're in a mall or in a supermarket, she'll show me an item and say   " Ma, gusto ko nito."   Me, being a budget freak will first see the price and if i can't squeeze it in our budget, I'll give her the   look.   She'll give me a shrug and with a rolling eyeballs she'll say   " Okay, next time"  or   " Sabi ko nga eh."   ...

It's ironic how you have a solution for other people's problem when you don't have any slightest idea on how to solve your own and the best advice you could give to yourself is to jump off the first cliff you'll find your way. I'm back again...i can't believe this. Whoever said that promises are made to be broken..well,I'm with you.